THOUGHTS ON LOVE

Is it an emotion? Let’s put aside love for your job or a dress, where the use of the word ‘love’ is an exception. There is also romantic love and parental love: are any of these an emotion?

We think not, and we explain why: the timing of emotions and love is radically different.

Emotions come and go, sometimes lasting little more than a few seconds, and rarely more than an hour.

Both parental love and romantic love involve a long-term commitment and an intense attachment to a specific person. Neither is an emotion.

Emotions may be very brief, but love lasts. In particular, romantic love may last a lifetime, but often it does not.

Parental love is a lifelong commitment, although there are exceptions where parents deny their children.

Loving one’s children does not mean that we should not feel afraid of any risks they might take, or that we should not be annoyed if they do not turn up for an appointment with us, or sad or disappointed or happy about something they do.

While romantic love does not usually last as long as parental love, sometimes it does, and even if it does not last, it is not a momentary state, but an involving attachment in which different emotions are felt. In parental love and romantic love you are attentive, involved and more susceptible to feeling a variety of emotions. And those emotions do not last long, they come and go, they last only seconds or minutes, not a lifetime as in parental love and hopefully in romantic love.

If these reflections have raised any doubts for you about the concept of love as an emotion, Paul Ekman’s Eskman’s ESaC Workshop will provide you with any specifics on the subject.