Emotional agility

In an article published by Harvard Business Review, Susan David and Christina Congleton give their views on emotional intelligence, introducing a new concept: Emotional Agility.

According to the two psychologists, it is a well-established cliché that ‘negative’ thoughts or emotions should have no place in the office.
According to this logic, managers must ‘always’ appear strong or convey enthusiasm to their employees. They must instil confidence and dampen any unseemly emotions that arise in them. But this goes against basic biology. All healthy human beings have an inner flow of thoughts and feelings that include criticism, doubt and fear.
These emotions and feelings are adaptive in evolutionary terms: they seek to anticipate and solve problems and avoid potential pitfalls in the environment and it is also for this reason that we cannot call them ‘negative’.

The authors found, in their practice as business consultants and trainers, that leaders do not have problems because they have undesirable emotions or thoughts (as it is normal to have them), but because they allow themselves to be overwhelmed by them.
This happens in two ways: by finding confirmation of their own opinions or by indulging their interlocutors.
When they give importance to their thoughts they treat them as if they were concrete, objective facts, and generalise them instead of contextualising them in the moment:
“…the same thing happened to me in my previous job … so I am a failure in every job I do or will do…”
They avoid situations that require similar performance:
“…I am not going to face such a new challenge…”
They exceed in rationalising events:
” …I should not have thoughts like this … I know that I am not a total failure”.
Whereas when they pander to their supporters, they impulsively engage in activities even when these go against their core values and goals:
“…go for it! Try it! By taking on such a new task, you will surely overcome failure…”

In both cases, leaders devote too much attention to their ‘internal chatter’, and thus waste important cognitive resources that could be put to better use.
This is a frequent problem: it is often perpetuated by entirely personal coping strategies (the person does not seek advice and acts without support from the professional).

Executives often manifest performance anxiety, as they have little awareness of the correct way to manage time and priorities; they may experience jealousy over the success of others, fear of rejection, or other cognitions or emotions that are potentially dysfunctional in the pursuit of their work goals.
Clearly, these techniques do not work. Quite the contrary. There is ample evidence that attempting to minimise or ignore emotions and thoughts only serves to amplify them:
“….Close your eyes, and DON’T think about the PINK ELEPHANT!”

Effective leaders know how to manage their thoughts and feelings constructively, and achieve the desired success: this adaptive mode is called Emotional Agility.
Emotional Agility can help people relieve stress, reduce mistakes, be more innovative, and improve work performance.

The authors propose four practices – adapted from the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) model, originally developed by University of Nevada psychologist Steven C. Hayes – that are designed in a self-administered form:
1. RECOGNISING ONE’S OWN PATTERNS
2. LABELLING ONE’S THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS
3. ACCEPTING ONE’S THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS
4. ACTING ON OWN VALUES

the FOUR STEPS

RECOGNISING OWN MODELS

The first useful step in developing emotional agility is to notice when you feel entangled, overwhelmed by your thoughts and feelings.
There are some telltale signs:

• your thinking becomes rigid and repetitive

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• your mind ‘tells you something’ old, which seems familiar (as if, in judging the present, it is replicating a judgement previously made in another similar or analogous experience).

ETICHETTING YOUR OWN THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS

When we feel overwhelmed, our attention is totally channelled to the thoughts and feelings that crowd our minds; there is no room to examine them rationally.
One strategy that can help you consider your situation more objectively is the simple act of labelling.
Just as one calls a bread ‘bread’, call a thought ‘thought’ and an emotion ’emotion’.
The thought:
“I am not doing enough at work or at home”
Becomes:
“…I am having the thought that I am not doing enough at work or at home….”

Similarly:
“…my colleague did wrong, it makes me angry”
It becomes:
“…I am having the thought that my colleague is doing wrong, and I am feeling anger…”

Labelling allows you to see your thoughts and feelings for what they are: transient sources of data that may or may not prove useful.

Mindfulness practices not only improve behaviour and well-being, but also promote positive biological changes in the brain and at the cellular level.

ACCEPTING THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS

The opposite of control (of emotions and thoughts) is acceptance, which involves responding to your ideas and feelings with an open attitude, paying attention to them and allowing yourself to experience them naturally, without coercion.

You can take 10 deep breaths and notice everything that is happening in the present moment. What is happening, both internally and externally.

The important thing is to show towards oneself (and towards others) some “Compassion” (which does not mean “compassion”, but rather understanding with a benevolent and open attitude towards oneself and towards others).

AGING ON OWN VALUES

When one disengages from ‘negative’ thoughts and emotions, one expands one’s attention and understanding of the choices to be made. One can decide to act in a way that aligns with one’s values.
Do you focus on short-term or long-term goals?
What kind of leadership do you want to adopt?
The stream of thoughts in the mind flows endlessly, and emotions change like the weather, but values remain certain, and can be called upon at any time, in any situation.

If you want to check which types of values you follow when dealing with a complex work situation, here is a quick self-report PRE-TEST.
This list is taken from the Personal Values Card Sort (2001), developed by WR Miller, J. C’de Baca, DB Matthews, and P.L. Wilbourne, of the University of New Mexico.
The next time you make a work decision concerning a stressful task, ask yourself whether it is consistent with one or more of these values:
– Accuracy
– Goal attainment
– Spirit of adventure, initiative
– Authority (acting with)
– Autonomy
– Thoughtfulness, caring
– Competitiveness
– Change
– Comfort, convenience
– Compassion (empathic understanding of others’ feelings)
– Utilitarianism (financial gain)
– Co-operation
– Courtesy
– Creativity
– Reliability
– Sense of duty
– Family value
– Kindness, understanding, forgiveness
– Value of friendship
– Fun
– Generosity
– Authenticity, genuineness
– Growth and development
– Health
– Helpfulness, courtesy
– Honesty
– Humility
– Sense of humour
– Sense of justice
– Acquisition of knowledge
– Leisure, ease
– Competence, mastery
– Sobriety, moderation
– Nonconformity
– Open-mindedness
– By order received
– Passion
– Popularity
– Power, strength
– Having a purpose
– Rationality
– Realism
– Sense of responsibility
– Risk (knowing how to take a)
– Security
– Personal knowledge
– Support, assistance
– Simplicity, essentiality
– Sense of stability
– Tolerance
– Traditionalist
– Luxury, affluence

EVALUATE YOUR EMOTIONAL AGILITY

Exercise:

• Choose a difficult situation that has happened to you in the work context, (e.g. “receiving negative feedback from my boss”; “asking my boss for a pay rise”).
• Identify a thought that often occurs to you in that situation (e.g.: “…my boss does not trust me”; “…my contribution is not as valuable as that of my colleagues”).
• Ask yourself:
  “…to what extent do you avoid this thought, trying to make it go away?”. A lot, to some extent, not at all?
  “…to what extent do I allow it to involve me? Do I let it overwhelm me?”

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• Identify the emotion this situation evokes in you. Is it anger, sadness, fear, shame, disgust, or something else?
  Ask yourself:
  “…to what extent can I avoid or try to ignore this feeling?”
  “…to what extent do I allow it to involve me? Do I let it overwhelm me?”

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Advises

• Pay attention to your thoughts and emotions. Do this several times a day, so that you can identify the useful information your mind is sending you.
• Take 10 deep breaths, and focus your attention on the “here” and “now”.
• Re-learn to act in line with your values. Identify which ones you would like to apply in the context of the difficult work situation you have described.

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Diego Ingrassia